Men used as hospital beds, women worn out as cliches

[topum]

I read Mayakovsky's "A Cloud in Trousers" today in all four translations I found. I am sure that there are more. Then I translated the original from Russian into English via Google Translate. Microsoft and others did not work for this, they left some Russian words untranslated. You may remember that I do quite a bit of Google Translate, and in the last two weeks mostly from Russian, thanks to LJ's heavy Russian presence and Pamela Anderson: http://topum.livejournal.com/7232.html

Below is the ending of the prologue, first by Google Translate then from all four translations I found. Which one do you like the most? Can you mix and match or change into something better?

Note that one line is the same in all five, including Google Translate, it is "not a man, but a cloud in trousers!".

Google Translate

Do you want to -
will rabid meat
- And as the sky, changing colors -
want -
I will be perfectly tender,
not a man, but - a cloud in trousers!

I do not believe that there is a flower Nice!
Me again thanksgiving
men, stale, like a hospital,
and women, ragged as saying.

Andrey Kneller

If you wish--
I’ll rage on raw meat like a vandal
Or change into hues that the sunrise arouses,
If you wish--
I can be irreproachably gentle,
Not a man -- but a cloud in trousers.

I refuse to believe in Nice blossoming!
I will glorify you regardless, --
Men, crumpled like bed-sheets in hospitals,
And women, battered like overused proverbs.

Do not know A

If you wish,
I shall rage on raw meat;
or, as the sky changes its hue,
if you wish,
I shall grow irreproachably tender:
not a man, but a cloud in trousers!

I deny the existence of blossoming Nice!
Again in song I glorify
men as crumpled as hospital beds,
and women as battered as proverbs.

Do not know B

If you prefer,
I'll be pure raging meat,
or if you prefer,
as the sky changes tone,
I'll be absolutely tender,
not a man, but a cloud in trousers!

Flowery Nice doesn't exist!
Again I sing to praise
men used as hospital beds,
women worn out as cliches.

Jonathan Brent and Lyudmila Sholokhova

If you want—
I’ll rage from meat
—and, like the sky changing its tones—
if you want—
I’ll be irreproachably tender,
not a man, but—a cloud in trousers!

I don’t believe there’s flowering Nice!
Again they praise themselves through me,
men stale like a hospital,
and women worn out like a proverb.

Comments

[altamira16.livejournal.com]

I am curious about the second line. The interpretations are quite different.

[topum.livejournal.com]

Based on Google Translate my feeling is that the original meaning is "I'll be pure raging meat" not "I’ll rage from meat" or "I’ll rage on meat" (in two of the four).

[(Anonymous)]

You are right.

[topum.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

[bunn.livejournal.com]

Google translate has not done a bad job on that. I suppose it probably helps that the poem is a little strange and random in any of the translations...

Me again thanksgiving is a bit clumsy, I suppose, but I rather like 'and women, ragged as saying.'

[topum.livejournal.com]

I agree. I suppose the original is a little strange too.

[prorsus.livejournal.com]

Hard to choose...

[wosny.livejournal.com]

I think there are good lines in all of them, but none is an all out winner. I think B's first verse, and A's second would be good together.

[poliphilo.livejournal.com]

I notice that all the translations render line 6 in exactly the same words

Here's my version-

Say what you want .
I'll tear raw meat with my teeth if you like
Or change like the sky
To a cloud in trousers.

Forget Nice
Forget its flowers.
I write about men as rumpled as sheets
And women as battered as proverbs.

[topum.livejournal.com]

I like it a lot! Thank you.

[cahek911.livejournal.com]

Russian here. Vladimir Mayakovsky is one of my favorite poets. And despite of my English is limping I would choose Number 3 (Do not know A).

[topum.livejournal.com]

Thank you. It is good to hear the view of a native Russian speaker. I like 'Do not know A' too.